Sunday, November 21, 2010

My darker side

Hey peeps.

I have a lot of memories from primary school. In 6th grade, i went through a lot. A LOT. and during that time, i have made a book, that i wrapped in black and i wrote in it. I wouldn't say it was a diary, but rather a place to express myself. My anger and sadness to be precise. I kept the book all these years and I go through it once in a while just for old times sake.

LOL this is embarrassing.

And by reading this book, i could say past me should've gotten help or something. Past me kinda scares present me. :/

I was a very. very, sick 12 year old.

I read through it again last night, and decided to share some of the stuff in it. Just to tell people i am an emotional roller coaster since i was a kid.

So here goes nothing. 

This is actually the first thing that i wrote in it:
"For once i was happy in my life. Now it's gone. All that's left are just memories that makes me cry every time i think about it. You left me alone. I thought that would never happen. You promised me you'd be there for me. You never came. You were a piece of me. When you left, you took it away. Now my heart is in two and I only have one half of it. You kept it and threw it away. Now I can't even carry a smile anymore. Replacing you si a hard thing to do. Saying goodbye was the saddest thing to do. I just want you to know that I'm sorry. But please tell me. Why did you stop loving me, and why did you start in the first place?"
-WOW I'm so dramatic-

The last stanza of a poem. The rest of it is just, well, lame. 
"Just smile my darling,
Don't shed a tear,
Cause I will always be near,
Think of the love we share,
I will always be here"
*grabs a box of tissues and a bucket*

-flipping through pages- Wow, Was my handwriting really this atrocious? Well, it is my 'i am pissed/tearing my heart out' handwriting 

"Just because i flirt doesn't mean I'm a hoe, because unlike other girls i learned to say no." this is a phrase i picked up somewhere from the internet.

Ahh, the internet. I have learned so many bad word from you. 

-flips- Oh, i used 3 pages calling a girl 'bit**' . I was mean, btu at least i didn't say it to her face. But then again, that girl was just so... urgh.  whatever.

"a lot of bad things happen a lot of the time" - well, it's true. 

Ah, here it is. the page where i made a deal with myself to not get into a relationship (at least until i finish schooling). it's signed at midnight, 6th December 2008.


And that's probably it. There are other stuff but that's just me, being a naive 12 year old, ranting, and so on.

sometimes i wish i could go back into time and meet past me, give her a nice slap in the face, and talk some sense into her. Also warn her about future drama LOL.

but even if i do have the chance to do that, i wouldn't. Although slapping past me really sounds like something epic. HAHAHA.

see people, I'm not just mean to you, I'm mean to myself too. XD

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