Monday, July 25, 2011

Grateful to have you :)

Assalamu 'alaikum :)

If you have read my previous post, you'd know that I was feeling very very very down last night. My self-confidence was at it's lowest! After going on the internet for a while to clear my mind, I switched of the computer and went into my bedroom. I didn't put any music on, it wasn't one of those times that music could help me.

I was lying on my bed. at first I was staring at the ceiling, then I started tossing and turning. No position felt comfortable. I wrapped myself in my blanket, then I pulled it off me. I did that a few times. I could go on telling you my never ending shift of positions, but who would want to read that right.

The voices in my head was the worst part. It was like all of my personalities had it's own voice, all debating inside my head. Some of them was scolding me, cursing me, while others tried to calm me down, and fight the other voices. I know this is making me sound cuckoo, but it was what it was.

A few tears started falling. I know if I just cried and fell asleep, I might wake up with the same level of self-esteem. VERY low. So I decided to text a friend. We don't text as often as we used to anymore, but we do keep in touch once in a while.

I got a reply and I was able to express how I felt. At first the tears I held back fell uncontrollably. I had to cover my face with the blanket to hide the noises from being heard by my family outside my room. We talked and talked and talked. I stopped crying, then it started to rain. I guess it was only a second delayed from a movie-like sad scene.

This person knows exactly how to make me feel better. From crying and emotionally beating myself up, I was smiling. Smiles lead to laughter. I was so happy. I over-analyze things a lot of the time, and this person knows that the only way to get my mind off things was to distract me with the most random and funny things!

You know how people say that best friends are always there for you, at your best and at your worst? Well, I still can't believe that this person would not be disgusted of me, knowing my past. What "past", you might ask. Well, that is a story to be kept buried and not to be put on the internet. We don't talk as often as me and my other friends, heck, I haven't seen this person in almost a year! but this person stood by me when I was at my worst, my weakest. Many can try, and I appreciate their effort to cheer me up, but none can do it better.

I am so grateful to have you in my life. Even if we drift apart in the future, I am grateful to have  the chance and pleasure of knowing you. May God bless you. <3 :)

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