Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Deathwishes (You Don't Know)

Bear in mind that I was in a very dark place.

You don't know
the occasional deathwishes
that come to my mind
like how I think that
perhaps it's better
if I was never born

You don't know
how much I hate myself
more than anyone ever can
like living battles with people
and a war within myself
slowly, painfully, losing

You don't know
every time I scream
I wish I was mute
every time they scream
I wish I was deaf
Please, no more screaming

You don't know
how I judge myself
more harsh and brutal
than all the knives
the people I trusted
stabbed on my back

You don't know
how the evil voices
overpower my own
but closing my ears
cannot stop them
from hurting me

You don't know
that whenever I swim
I wonder what if
I drown at sea
then I question
the value of my existence

You don't know
you will never know
about the deathwishes
that haunt me

11th May 2013.

Astaghfirullah hal aziim.

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